I promised myself I wouldn't get worked up again over todays events, but I hope by writing it out I will begin to get over it all.

Let's play a game...close your eyes and imagine you are 38 weeks pregnant. Your baby girl is just 2 weeks shy of making her arrival. You have had an extremely difficult 10 weeks after going through high blood pressure struggles. She was supposed to arrive 5 weeks ago, but things started to get better . You end up back in the hospital today with severly high blood pressure and the doctor telling you that its possible to deliver today. You sit in agony as other mothers roll by in their beds on the way to their delivery rooms or to surgery. You hear babies cry in the background as the new mommies next door are enjoying their precious arrivals. You are so nervous and anxious because it is a possibility this is your day too!! Not to mention your phone is dead so you can't update ANYONE! 6 hours later, your sitting at home eating lunch...alone. No baby.

This up and down emotional and physical roller coaster is about to drive me to the looney house. I don't think I can do another day like today. I almost lost it. I got so worked up by thinking I was going to see my little girl today, and then having all my hopes shattered, more tests being done, and no answers to receive. You would think they would just go ahead and cut me open after all this, but they think...just two more weeks. I can understand why they are trying to pull as much time out of me as possible, but this is becoming frusterating and ridiculous. I was THRILLED to make it to full term, let alone 38 weeks, but now they think they can wait longer. Clearly, something is wrong, or my blood pressure wouldn't keep spiking this high. We just don't know why. It's about time to solve the problem and get it over with.

I know what the doctors are thinking and why they are thinking the way they do, but its very frusterating as a soon to be mother to experience these kind of roller coasters. My emotional well being should be considered too, right? Maybe not.

I ended up crying on the way home because I was just so done. I had given up. I was over it all. But then, I feel my little girl jiggle a little kick, and I smile again.

$20???

Do you have one of those household items that you have to buy everyone now and then that really makes you cringe because it costs WAY too much! I have a few: laundry detergent, dog food, and cat food. Add one more to my list: Diapers.

Now that I have discovered coupons and a cheaper brand of laundry detergent, I am not cringing at the thought of doing laundry anymore. Having two dogs means going out of dog food at a much quicker pace, so I am still cringing over that one. Cat food isn't too bad, especially now that I have coupons for her brand. Today, I finally realized another item I will be cringing to buy...DIAPERS. Dun dun dun.

I never realized that a box of diapers is around $20-30. Not only that, but I heard that babies go through one box a week. Um...I am not that good at math, but I do know this isn't good. I was ok with buying a $20 bag of dog food once every 2 months, but now I am going to be buying diapers every week.

Geez. Hello financial wake up call.

Watching and waiting...

Oh my...I have really neglected my blog lately!! So much has happened since the last post, I hardly have time to type it all. Well, the best news of all...I have finally reached "full term" status and am patiently (cough, cough) waiting for my little girl to arrive. Ok, not patiently...ANXIOUSLY. Her room is ready, her mommy is ready, her daddy is ready, the car seat is ready, gas in the tank...LET'S GO!

I have had a few minor painful contractions in the past couple days, but nothing that makes me think its time. My doctor's appointment 2 weeks ago gave me some hope...my blood pressure was up again and they said they might induce if it didn't go back down before the next appointment. Well, last week, that next appointment rolled around and the blood pressure wasn't high enough for them to worry...so, here we are another week later...waiting and watching. I go back again on Monday. It's so hard to not know, and even harder to be teased again and again. We were expecting her at 34 weeks, but bed rest did the trick. I guess we must count our blessings, right?

I am so ready for this new chapter in my life. I feel like everything is in place except for her! I can't wait to finally hold her and look into her eyes. What a wonderful, amazing day that will be.

Until next time...you can find me at home wasting away the minutes until GO TIME.

I almost made it...

This entire pregnancy I have eaten nothing but sugar free sweets...besides a SMALL bite of a snickers bar a few weeks ago. But, if you look at the Glycemic index of a snickers bar, it is actually lower than most sweets because of the amount of protein. So, technically, the small bite and the glycemic index makes it ok. I felt so proud of myself to be able to say I went 9 months without a "real" dessert.

However...I croaked today. Woops! I walked by the freezer section in Target and my eyes went directly to a cheesecake sampler on sale. I thought "oh my...don't do it amber...just walk away." Somehow or another, I ended up walking out with the sampler and having a bite in the car. WHAT has come of me? And did I mention having another bite after getting home?

It must be the 9th month hormone shift that has turned off my brain and turned on my eyes and stomach. I feel ashamed...but for the moment that it was sliding down my throat...I was in heaven.

Hehe.