I promised myself I wouldn't get worked up again over todays events, but I hope by writing it out I will begin to get over it all.

Let's play a game...close your eyes and imagine you are 38 weeks pregnant. Your baby girl is just 2 weeks shy of making her arrival. You have had an extremely difficult 10 weeks after going through high blood pressure struggles. She was supposed to arrive 5 weeks ago, but things started to get better . You end up back in the hospital today with severly high blood pressure and the doctor telling you that its possible to deliver today. You sit in agony as other mothers roll by in their beds on the way to their delivery rooms or to surgery. You hear babies cry in the background as the new mommies next door are enjoying their precious arrivals. You are so nervous and anxious because it is a possibility this is your day too!! Not to mention your phone is dead so you can't update ANYONE! 6 hours later, your sitting at home eating lunch...alone. No baby.

This up and down emotional and physical roller coaster is about to drive me to the looney house. I don't think I can do another day like today. I almost lost it. I got so worked up by thinking I was going to see my little girl today, and then having all my hopes shattered, more tests being done, and no answers to receive. You would think they would just go ahead and cut me open after all this, but they think...just two more weeks. I can understand why they are trying to pull as much time out of me as possible, but this is becoming frusterating and ridiculous. I was THRILLED to make it to full term, let alone 38 weeks, but now they think they can wait longer. Clearly, something is wrong, or my blood pressure wouldn't keep spiking this high. We just don't know why. It's about time to solve the problem and get it over with.

I know what the doctors are thinking and why they are thinking the way they do, but its very frusterating as a soon to be mother to experience these kind of roller coasters. My emotional well being should be considered too, right? Maybe not.

I ended up crying on the way home because I was just so done. I had given up. I was over it all. But then, I feel my little girl jiggle a little kick, and I smile again.